More Adoption Issues and Articles
Suicide, Assisted Suicide and Adoption
 "Fast
Track Adoption" Ends in Suicide
Natural mother commits suicide after "Fast Track Adoption"
book reveals how she was used by the woman who adopted her daughter.
(PRWEB) April 13, 2004 -- Susan Burns, Psy.D. is undoubtedly proud
of her book "Fast Track Adoption" which provides prospective
adopters some ideas on how to go about soothing a frightened young
woman's fears and making her feel she is making a good decision for
her child.
But, there is one angle her book does not cover: How will your adopted
child's natural mother feel when she finds out how proud you are of
the methods you used to talk her out of her child? How will she feel
when you break all the promises you made to her?
Burns writes: "Without an agency's interference, (the child's
parents) and (the people considering adoption) have a greater voice
in in making key decisions, often resulting in a better "fit"
for everyone involved."
"...knowing about the (prospective) adopting family prior to
the placement can assist a (natural) mother in her grieving process
by reassuring her that she has made the right choice."
It seems unlikely to me that Burns is truly concerned about everyone
involved or about the grieving process of a mother who has lost her
child to adoption.
I got this email today (April 9, 2004) from a friend who is very
involved with the open adoption community:
"I'm grieving my good friend right now. Cindy was a member of
my adoption group for a year and a half -- we were supposed to meet
next month. The (people who adopted) her daughter broke promises and
Cindy never recovered. She took her life yesterday. Her daughter will
be three on the 19th."
"I'm trying to help the members of my group ...and myself grieve.
We were all SO close. She also left behind two teen boys. Please keep
them in your prayers."
"(The woman who adopted her daughter) wrote the sickening new
adoption book "Fast Track Adoption" ...and may even appear
on 20/20 talking about how to get a baby quick. Cindy found out about
this book by accident and was devastated by it's contents and how
she was left out and used."
Many people are unaware of this dark side of adoption. The adoption
industry has found ways to thwart attempts by natural moms and adoptees
to voice their concerns about unethical adoption practices. One of
the most revolting of the tactics used to obtain babies is the promise
of "open adoption", the promise of continued contact with
their child, made only with the intent to lure in unsuspecting mothers
who might have otherwise kept their child. Open adoption agreements
are not legally binding as other child custody or visitation agreements
are and this frequently has devastating consequences. Many a mother
is grieving the loss of a child to adoption. This grieving is compounded
when she has so obviously, blatantly been used as a baby-making machine
and then tossed out like yesterday's garbage once her child is in
possession of the adopters. In Cindy's case, not only she but her
sons and probably other family members were expecting contact with
their sister, granddaughter, niece as well.
This is for Cindy Jordan and for all other moms who have been so
used. This is for Cindy's daughter, her sons, her mother and father,
her whole family. I hope our churches will mention this from the pulpit
and work to enact change. I hope our human rights organizations will
take note and work to enact changes. I hope women's organizations
will for once stand up for these women who have been so long marginalized
in this way and work to prevent further abuse.
Not everyone benefits from adoption and it's time people knew about
it and did something.
Those mothers and fathers who are making a decision whether to keep
their child or surrender their child for adoption deserve legal protections
which include real information about the emotional risks to themselves,
their child and other family members. They deserve to be protected
from slick advertising and sales pitches from those seeking to adopt
independently, from the adoption industry and from adoption lawyers.
They deserve to be protected from the pressure put on them to choose
prospective adopters before their child is even born which makes it
very hard for them to disappoint them later.
They deserve to be treated with the respect due a human being, with
the respect due a parent who is trying to make the best decision possible
for their child and their families.
###
Read More:"Birthmother's
Day" Celebrations - Celebrating "birthmotherhood"
is celebrating the oppression of single moms.
Pro-Life
Views - Comparing Assisted Suicide and Adoption
Pro-life proponents are generally opposed to assisted suicide. One
argument made is that suicide assistance is usually requested by a
patient out of desperation and is unlikely to be desired by a patient
who receives adequate services, counseling and pain management. The
pro-life view is that compassion for the dying demands that we provide
services, rather than provide opportunities for ending life. Instead
of assisted suicide, pro-lifers are in favor of providing humane services
for all people - neither the morality of these people nor whether
they have planned and are financially prepared for an expensive elongated
illness is a consideration.
Many people, especially in a society like that of the United States
where profit often trumps humanity, may come to the conclusion that
those who cannot care for themselves should be neglected or made to
feel like a tremendous burden so they will "choose" suicide.
Perhaps they will be lured by the incentive that they can help others
fhrough planned organ donation. Others may have their paperwork forged
or a signature obtained through misrepresentation and fraud to get
them
out of the way.
Like the elderly or the infirm, young people who are just starting
out or people who have experienced a layoff or some other setback
may also benefit from compassionate assistance at times. An unexpected
pregnancy may be a source of distress for those who want their child
but wonder how they will be able to care for her. As with assisted
suicide, there is a tendency for people to want to provide a quick
"solution" that ignores their humanity.
In promoting the "option" of legal abandonment, the euphemism
"adoption" is used. A form of "assisted suicide"
- the killing
off of their motherhood or fatherhood through the removal of their
child - is often held out to parents as the only help available for
those who "choose life". Parents may be further lured by
the promise of making someone else's life better through child donation.
Some parents may have the paperwork fraudulently handled to get them
out of the way. Based on state laws, fathers frequently have their
rights terminated for them before they even have a chance to establish
paternity.
In reality, a mother is much more than someone who "just gives
birth". A child is a part of her natural family the way a person's
arm or leg is a part of her body. Just like it would be unconscionable
to remove a living person's arm, leg or vital organ to provide it
to someone else, it is wrong to remove a baby from her family for
use by someone else. Whether the recipient treats the baby well is
of no consequence.
As with assisted suicide, the argument about the need for compassion
should be used when an unexpected pregnancy occurs.
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